Level of differentiation of self can affect longevity, marital stability,reproduction, health, educational accomplishments, and occupational success.This impact of differentiation on overall life functioning explains the markedvariation that typically exists in the lives of the members of amultigenerational family. The highly differentiated people have unusually stablenuclear families and contribute much to society; the poorly differentiatedpeople have chaotic personal lives and depend heavily on others to sustain them.A key implication of the multigenerational concept is that the roots of the mostsevere human problems as well as of the highest levels of human adaptation aregenerations deep. The multigenerational transmission process not only programsthe levels of "self" people develop, but it also programs how people interactwith others. Both types of programming affect the selection of a spouse. Forexample, if a family programs someone to attach intensely to others and tofunction in a helpless and indecisive way, he will likely select a mate who notonly attaches to him with equal intensity, but one who directs others and makedecisions for them.
Example:
The multigenerational transmission process helps explain the particularpatterns that have played out in the nuclear family of Michael, Martha, Amy, andMarie. Martha is the youngest of three daughters from an intact Midwesternfamily. From her teen years on, Martha did not feel especially close to eitherof her parents, but especially to her mother. She experienced her mother ascompetent and caring but often intrusive and critical. Martha felt she could notplease her mother.
Her sisters seemed to feel more secure and competent than Martha. She askedherself how she could grow up in a seemingly "normal" family and have so manyproblems, and answered herself that there must be something wrong with her. Whenshe faced important dilemmas in her life and had decisions to make, her mothergot involved and strongly influenced Martha's choices. Her mother said Marthashould make her own decisions, but her mother's actions did not match her words.One of her mother's biggest fears was that Martha would make the wrong decision.In time, Martha's sisters came to view her much like their mother did andtreated her as the baby of the family, as one needing special guidance. Martha'sfather was sympathetic with her one-down position in the family, but hedistanced from family tensions.
Martha detested herself for needing the acceptance and approval of others tofunction effectively and for feeling she could not act more independently. Sheworried about making the wrong decision and turned frequently to her mother forhelp.
[Analysis: The primary relationshippattern in Martha's family of origin was impairment of one or more children, andthe projection process focused primarily on Martha. The mother's overfunctioningpromoted Martha's underfunctioning, but Martha largely blamed herself for herdifficulties making decisions and functioning independently. Martha's intenseneed for approval and acceptance reflected the high level of involvement withher mother. She managed the intensity with her mother with emotional distance.These basic patterns were later replicated in her marriage and with Amy.]
Martha's mother is the oldest child in her family and functioned as a secondparent to her three younger siblings. Martha's mother's mother became a chronicinvalid after her last child was born. As a child, Martha's mother functioned asa second mother in her family and, with the encouragement of her father, didmuch of the caretaking of her invalid mother. Martha's mother basked in theapproval she gained from both of her parents, especially from her father. Herfather was often critical of his wife, insisting she could do more for herselfif she would try. Martha's grandmother responded to the criticism by taking tobed, often for days at a time. Martha's mother learned to thrive on taking careof others and being needed.
[Analysis: Martha's mother probably hadalmost as intense an involvement with her parents as she subsequently had withMartha, but the styles of the involvements were different. Two relationshippatterns dominated Martha's mother's nuclear family: dysfunction in one spouseand overinvolvement with a child. Martha's mother was intensely involved in thetriangles with her parents and younger siblings and in the position ofoverfunctioning for others. In other words, she learned to meet her stronglyprogrammed needs for emotional closeness by taking care of others, a patternthat played out with Martha.]
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