Michael grew up as an only child in an intact family from the PacificNorthwest. He met Martha when he attended college in the Midwest. Michael'smother began having frequent bouts of serious depression about the time hestarted grade school. She was twice hospitalized psychiatrically, once after anoverdose of tranquilizers. Michael felt "allergic" to his mother's many problemsand kept his distance from her, especially during his adolescence. He caredabout her and felt she would help him in any way she could, but viewed her ashelpless and incompetent. He resented her "not trying harder." He had areasonably comfortable relationship with his father, but felt his father madethe family situation worse by opting for "peace at any price." It was easier forhis father to give in to his wife's sometimes childish demands than to draw aline with her. Michael related to his mother almost exactly like his father did.His mother expressed resentment about her husband's passivity. She accused himof not really caring about her, only doing things for her because she demandedit. Michael's mother worshiped Michael and was jealous of interests and peoplethat took him away from her.
[Analysis: Interestingly, Michael'sparental triangle was similar to Martha's mother's parental triangle. His motherwas intensely involved with him and it programmed Michael both to need thislevel of emotional support from the important female in his life, but also toreact critically to the female's neediness. Michael's parental triangle alsofostered a belief that he knew best.]
Michael's mother had been a "star" in her family when she was growing up. Shewas an excellent student and athlete. She had a very conflictual relationshipwith her mother and an idealized view of her father. She met Michael's fatherwhen they were both in college. He was two years older than she and when hegraduated, she quit school to marry him. Her parents were very upset about thedecision. Michael's father had been at loose ends when he met his future wife,but she was what he needed. He built a very successful business career with heremotional support. He functioned higher in his work life than in his familylife.
[Analysis: Michael's father functioned ona higher level in his business life than in his family life, a discrepancy thatis commonly present in people with mid-range levels of differentiation of self.]
Emotional Cutoff情绪阻断
The concept of emotional cutoff describes people managing their unresolvedemotional issues with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing ortotally cutting off emotional contact with them. Emotional contact can bereduced by people moving away from their families and rarely going home, or itcan be reduced by people staying in physical contact with their families butavoiding sensitive issues. Relationships may look "better" if people cutoff tomanage them, but the problems are dormant and not resolved.
People reduce the tensions of family interactions by cutting off, but riskmaking their new relationships too important. For example, the more a man cutsoff from his family of origin, the more he looks to his spouse, children, andfriends to meet his needs. This makes him vulnerable to pressuring them to becertain ways for him or accommodating too much to their expectations of him outof fear of jeopardizing the relationship. New relationships are typically smoothin the beginning, but the patterns people are trying to escape eventually emergeand generate tensions. People who are cut off may try to stabilize theirintimate relationships by creating substitute "families" with social and workrelationships.
Everyonehassomedegreeofunresolvedattachmenttohisorheroriginalfamily,butwell-differentiatedpeoplehavemuchmoreresolutionthanlessdifferentiatedpeople.Anunresolvedattachmentcantakemanyforms.Forexample,(1)apersonfeelsmorelikeachildwhenheishomeandlooks
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